This song pretty much sums up my last year....
When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Tears stream down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And on your face I...
Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down on your face
And on your face I...
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Good Riddance 2009!!!!
I'm so blah about the end of the year. So fucking glad its OVER! I shed myself of some pretty binding thoughts, people, situations etc, and I'm putting my best effort in to making 2010 fantastic!
Sigh. That being said, I felt a lot like this the past week or so...
------
I will present you
parts
of
my
self
slowly
if you are patient and tender.
I will open drawers
that mostly stay closed
and bring out places and people and things
sounds and smells, loves and frustrations, hopes and sadness,
bits and pieces of three decades of life
that have been grabbed off
in chunks
and found lying in my hands.
they have eaten
their way into my memory,
carved their way into
my heart.
altogether-you or I will never see them-
they are me.
If you regard them lightly,
deny they are important
or worse judge them
I will quietly, slowly,
begin to wrap them up,
in small pieces of velvet,
like worn silver and gold jewelry,
tuck them away
in a small wooden chest of drawers
and close.
John Wood
Sigh. That being said, I felt a lot like this the past week or so...
------
I will present you
parts
of
my
self
slowly
if you are patient and tender.
I will open drawers
that mostly stay closed
and bring out places and people and things
sounds and smells, loves and frustrations, hopes and sadness,
bits and pieces of three decades of life
that have been grabbed off
in chunks
and found lying in my hands.
they have eaten
their way into my memory,
carved their way into
my heart.
altogether-you or I will never see them-
they are me.
If you regard them lightly,
deny they are important
or worse judge them
I will quietly, slowly,
begin to wrap them up,
in small pieces of velvet,
like worn silver and gold jewelry,
tuck them away
in a small wooden chest of drawers
and close.
John Wood
Friday, December 18, 2009
The Walk and Quicksand...
The Walk - Imogen Heap
Inside out, upside-down twisting beside myself,
Stop that now, cos you and I were never meant to be
I think you better leave; it's not safe in here,
I feel a weakness coming on.
Alright then (Alright then) I could keep your number for a rainy day,
That's where this ends, no mistakes no misbehaving,
Oh, I was doing so well, can we just be friends,
I feel a weakness coming on.
It's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,
I don't want to feel like this, Yeah,
No it's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,
I don't want to feel like this, so that makes it all your fault.
Inside out, upside-down twisting beside myself,
Stop that now; you're as close as it gets without touching me,
Oh no, don't make it harder than it already is,
Mmm, I feel a weakness coming on.
It's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,
I don't want to feel like this, Yeah,
No it's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,
I don't want to feel like this, so that makes it all your fault.
Big trouble losing control,
Primary resistance at a critical low,
On the double gotta get a hold,
Point of no return one second to go,
No response on any level, red alert this vessels under siege,
Total overload, systems down, they've got control,
There's no way out, we are surrounded,
Give in, give in and relish every minute of it
Freeze, awake here forever, I feel a weakness coming on.
It's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,
I don't want to feel like this, Yeah,
No it's not meant to be like this, it's just what I don't need,
Why make me feel like this, it's definitely all your fault.
Feel like this la la la la la la la la
It's all your fault (Feel like this) la la la la la la la la
It's all your fault (Feel like this) la la la la la la la la
It's all your fault (Feel like this) la la la la la la la la
It's all your fault
.........................................
Quicksand - Natalie Walker
I must have been too stupid
I must have been so out of touch
He must have been so clever
convincing me that this was really love
Desperate for words, lost in a maze
It fell apart, I lost my place
It hurt so bad, I cried for days
Time healed all pain, now I'm OK
How many times can my heart break?
Disillusioned by the thought of flawless love
Will I ever get there?
Or am I drowning in quicksand with no relief to come?
Desperate for words, lost in a maze
It fell apart, I lost my place
It hurt so bad, I cried for days
Time healed all pain, now I'm OK
I rise from all my sorrow
I let the sunshine on my face
I rise from all my sorrow
I let the sunshine on my face
All alone in comfort
It's my solitude I will embrace
I will rise from the sorrow
I will rise from the sorrow
Inside out, upside-down twisting beside myself,
Stop that now, cos you and I were never meant to be
I think you better leave; it's not safe in here,
I feel a weakness coming on.
Alright then (Alright then) I could keep your number for a rainy day,
That's where this ends, no mistakes no misbehaving,
Oh, I was doing so well, can we just be friends,
I feel a weakness coming on.
It's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,
I don't want to feel like this, Yeah,
No it's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,
I don't want to feel like this, so that makes it all your fault.
Inside out, upside-down twisting beside myself,
Stop that now; you're as close as it gets without touching me,
Oh no, don't make it harder than it already is,
Mmm, I feel a weakness coming on.
It's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,
I don't want to feel like this, Yeah,
No it's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,
I don't want to feel like this, so that makes it all your fault.
Big trouble losing control,
Primary resistance at a critical low,
On the double gotta get a hold,
Point of no return one second to go,
No response on any level, red alert this vessels under siege,
Total overload, systems down, they've got control,
There's no way out, we are surrounded,
Give in, give in and relish every minute of it
Freeze, awake here forever, I feel a weakness coming on.
It's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,
I don't want to feel like this, Yeah,
No it's not meant to be like this, it's just what I don't need,
Why make me feel like this, it's definitely all your fault.
Feel like this la la la la la la la la
It's all your fault (Feel like this) la la la la la la la la
It's all your fault (Feel like this) la la la la la la la la
It's all your fault (Feel like this) la la la la la la la la
It's all your fault
.........................................
Quicksand - Natalie Walker
I must have been too stupid
I must have been so out of touch
He must have been so clever
convincing me that this was really love
Desperate for words, lost in a maze
It fell apart, I lost my place
It hurt so bad, I cried for days
Time healed all pain, now I'm OK
How many times can my heart break?
Disillusioned by the thought of flawless love
Will I ever get there?
Or am I drowning in quicksand with no relief to come?
Desperate for words, lost in a maze
It fell apart, I lost my place
It hurt so bad, I cried for days
Time healed all pain, now I'm OK
I rise from all my sorrow
I let the sunshine on my face
I rise from all my sorrow
I let the sunshine on my face
All alone in comfort
It's my solitude I will embrace
I will rise from the sorrow
I will rise from the sorrow
Monday, June 29, 2009
RIP
I'm not really sure whats going on but its big. In the past week there have been many influential people that have died and I cant help but wonder if perhaps they were needed elsewhere. I'm just shocked at the quickness in which they left, namely Michael Jackson. MJ...wow. I just cant get over that. He is right up there with Elvis Presley and John Lennon. Such a talented individual regardless of his sometimes odd behavior. No one can deny his success and his millions of grieving fans from all over the world is proof of that. Jam on, Michael.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
new dream
i think that i've finally settled in to this...new way of thinking? lifestyle? i dont even know what to call it. opportunity perhaps? not quite sure. all i know is that i am very confident in my choice, i know that i have made the right decision and i have no fear of what the future brings.
i have a new dream. i have meditated on some things and i think, no...i WILL pursue a nursing degree. i have checked the requirements for LCC online and between all the credits i've taken already, i would only be in school for a year +/- a term and i would be done. funding might be a problem but i can work around that. i think this would be a wise and advantageous move seeing as how i still have my dream of a psych degree and my hopes for a career in child development. i know that i wont have a problem finding a job after school is done because NO WHERE will you find a help wanted page void of any nursing positions. this can open doors for me later on and would always be something i could fall back on. plus, i'd make a damn fine nurse :)
i have a new dream. i have meditated on some things and i think, no...i WILL pursue a nursing degree. i have checked the requirements for LCC online and between all the credits i've taken already, i would only be in school for a year +/- a term and i would be done. funding might be a problem but i can work around that. i think this would be a wise and advantageous move seeing as how i still have my dream of a psych degree and my hopes for a career in child development. i know that i wont have a problem finding a job after school is done because NO WHERE will you find a help wanted page void of any nursing positions. this can open doors for me later on and would always be something i could fall back on. plus, i'd make a damn fine nurse :)
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
May Horoscope
You have a great deal of positive career developments possible in May, and you might also settle a home-related matter, too. It looks like you have a lot on your plate, so you'll have to be organized to make sure you don't let important details slip through the cracks.
The full moon, May 9, will bring an unexpected breakthrough in regard to an impending move or other home-related plan. Your plans will fall into place quite rapidly with a lovely beam from Uranus. Saturn will also bring gifts of stability, so you'll have quite a good environment for making a decision or for finalizing a deal that makes you excited.
The new moon that appeared in late April started the ball rolling in your career, so you should continue following up on any career offers that surface. The only problem is that no deal is a good deal if your needs change later or if the job you are offered is about to change so much you hardly recognize it, making you feel trapped in a job you would have never taken. That seems likely if you sign on the dotted line now or give a verbal "yes" to the offer in May. Mercury will be retrograde from May 7 to 30, making May a bad time to sign a contract or accept a new job or assignment.
If you were working on a home-related project, it would be an equally bad time to sign a lease, buy a house or condo, or acquire new furniture, kitchen appliances, electronics like a computer or flat screen TV, or any other expensive items. If on the other hand, you already made your decisions and signed on the dotted line in April, this full moon would be a fine time to see the final implementation of that decision or commitment.
In matters of health, things should improve once Saturn goes direct on May 16. Saturn has been retrograde since December 31 of last year, so if you feel you've not made big strides lately, you may see a big improvement on or near this date. Actually, you may see a nice up tick in health on May 5 too, as the Sun, your ruler, will be in perfect angle to Saturn on that day. If you have been working on a fitness goal, you may also see an upbeat change on or near these dates this month as well.
Throughout May you will have ample opportunities to travel, and with Venus following Mars, it would be a divine time to take a vacation. Make it adventurous - a safari in Africa, white water rafting in Colorado, or exploring temples in India. This month, no location would be too far or too exotic to visit. If you can travel, go to a place you've never been, for you need the freshness of discovering something truly new. Look for bargain travel deals that will allow you to pack and go now, for you are likely to find one in May.
A truly soft influence will breeze in the window at month's end, thanks to the new moon May 24. From that point on, you will see that your friends are beginning to play a more prominent role in your life. They will take you to the kind of events that will help you meet more people, some of whom you'd like to cultivate as friends. You may decide to do volunteer work for a community, charity, or humanitarian cause in weeks and months ahead as a result of this new moon, and that would be one of the best ways to direct your energies in this incoming phase. The area of the chart where this new moon will fall is the eleventh house of groups, and also the part of the chart that helps us reveal compassion for others and to do something tangible to help them.
In your personal life, your romantic partner seems to truly understand the real you and will celebrate your individuality as well. You seem to be deeply inspired by your partner now, and if so, give in to this feeling and revel in it. You have the capability of enormous depth of feeling this month and in weeks and months to come. With Jupiter (happiness and good fortune) linking to Neptune (imagination), if you are not inspired by a romantic partner, then you may decide to do a creative collaboration that turns out to be quite wondrous and that would be given critical reviews that you used to only dream about.
You would have to work collaboratively to trigger this luck, so keep this in mind. One plus one equals twenty these days. Watch what happens on the first of three conjunctions in 2009, the first being May 27. The next two will occur July 10 and December 21. After that, these powerful planets will say adieu and not meet again until 2022. This is rare and special - make it work for you.
Dates to Note:
You can see a finish to an important home or family matter on May 9, plus or minus four days. Avoid making any big commitments, however, in writing or even verbally, or shopping for anything expensive, due to Mercury in retrograde: May 7 to 30 (operative longer, all month).
Your heath will show an upswing on May 5 but even more so after May 16, thanks to a stronger, more positive orbit of Saturn.
Consider taking an adventurous vacation to a place you've never been this month - Mars and Venus will cook up something amazing and memorable.
A sweet social influence will crank up on May 24 and bring you in contact with many new people. Some will become new friends, and those will lead you into fresh new places of the heart and mind.
On May 26, expect good news regarding travel, international relationships, publishing, broadcasting, or higher education.
Your personal or creative partner will add a great deal to your life all through 2009, but especially so near May 27 when Jupiter and Neptune make their first of three gorgeous, rare, and highly inspirational conjunctions. Watch what happens.
Your happiest days this month will be May 5, 9, 16, 21, 24, 26 and 27.
--
Credit Susan Miller for May 2009 http://www.astrologyzone.com/forecasts/monthly/leo_full.php
The full moon, May 9, will bring an unexpected breakthrough in regard to an impending move or other home-related plan. Your plans will fall into place quite rapidly with a lovely beam from Uranus. Saturn will also bring gifts of stability, so you'll have quite a good environment for making a decision or for finalizing a deal that makes you excited.
The new moon that appeared in late April started the ball rolling in your career, so you should continue following up on any career offers that surface. The only problem is that no deal is a good deal if your needs change later or if the job you are offered is about to change so much you hardly recognize it, making you feel trapped in a job you would have never taken. That seems likely if you sign on the dotted line now or give a verbal "yes" to the offer in May. Mercury will be retrograde from May 7 to 30, making May a bad time to sign a contract or accept a new job or assignment.
If you were working on a home-related project, it would be an equally bad time to sign a lease, buy a house or condo, or acquire new furniture, kitchen appliances, electronics like a computer or flat screen TV, or any other expensive items. If on the other hand, you already made your decisions and signed on the dotted line in April, this full moon would be a fine time to see the final implementation of that decision or commitment.
In matters of health, things should improve once Saturn goes direct on May 16. Saturn has been retrograde since December 31 of last year, so if you feel you've not made big strides lately, you may see a big improvement on or near this date. Actually, you may see a nice up tick in health on May 5 too, as the Sun, your ruler, will be in perfect angle to Saturn on that day. If you have been working on a fitness goal, you may also see an upbeat change on or near these dates this month as well.
Throughout May you will have ample opportunities to travel, and with Venus following Mars, it would be a divine time to take a vacation. Make it adventurous - a safari in Africa, white water rafting in Colorado, or exploring temples in India. This month, no location would be too far or too exotic to visit. If you can travel, go to a place you've never been, for you need the freshness of discovering something truly new. Look for bargain travel deals that will allow you to pack and go now, for you are likely to find one in May.
A truly soft influence will breeze in the window at month's end, thanks to the new moon May 24. From that point on, you will see that your friends are beginning to play a more prominent role in your life. They will take you to the kind of events that will help you meet more people, some of whom you'd like to cultivate as friends. You may decide to do volunteer work for a community, charity, or humanitarian cause in weeks and months ahead as a result of this new moon, and that would be one of the best ways to direct your energies in this incoming phase. The area of the chart where this new moon will fall is the eleventh house of groups, and also the part of the chart that helps us reveal compassion for others and to do something tangible to help them.
In your personal life, your romantic partner seems to truly understand the real you and will celebrate your individuality as well. You seem to be deeply inspired by your partner now, and if so, give in to this feeling and revel in it. You have the capability of enormous depth of feeling this month and in weeks and months to come. With Jupiter (happiness and good fortune) linking to Neptune (imagination), if you are not inspired by a romantic partner, then you may decide to do a creative collaboration that turns out to be quite wondrous and that would be given critical reviews that you used to only dream about.
You would have to work collaboratively to trigger this luck, so keep this in mind. One plus one equals twenty these days. Watch what happens on the first of three conjunctions in 2009, the first being May 27. The next two will occur July 10 and December 21. After that, these powerful planets will say adieu and not meet again until 2022. This is rare and special - make it work for you.
Dates to Note:
You can see a finish to an important home or family matter on May 9, plus or minus four days. Avoid making any big commitments, however, in writing or even verbally, or shopping for anything expensive, due to Mercury in retrograde: May 7 to 30 (operative longer, all month).
Your heath will show an upswing on May 5 but even more so after May 16, thanks to a stronger, more positive orbit of Saturn.
Consider taking an adventurous vacation to a place you've never been this month - Mars and Venus will cook up something amazing and memorable.
A sweet social influence will crank up on May 24 and bring you in contact with many new people. Some will become new friends, and those will lead you into fresh new places of the heart and mind.
On May 26, expect good news regarding travel, international relationships, publishing, broadcasting, or higher education.
Your personal or creative partner will add a great deal to your life all through 2009, but especially so near May 27 when Jupiter and Neptune make their first of three gorgeous, rare, and highly inspirational conjunctions. Watch what happens.
Your happiest days this month will be May 5, 9, 16, 21, 24, 26 and 27.
--
Credit Susan Miller for May 2009 http://www.astrologyzone.com/forecasts/monthly/leo_full.php
Fix you
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBEYyHGbwto
When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
High up above or down below
When you too in love to let it go
If you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I...
Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from the mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I...
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
-----------------------------
When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
High up above or down below
When you too in love to let it go
If you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I...
Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from the mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I...
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
-----------------------------
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